


call me a safe bet

by mountagrue



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Aziraphale's fantastic tits, Crowley has a choose-your-own-adventure book in her pants, Dirty Talk, F/F, Femslash, Ineffable Wives (Good Omens), Inspired by Art, Lingerie, Nipple Play, Other, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Power Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Service Top Crowley (Good Omens), She/Her Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), She/Her pronouns for Aziraphale, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 07:01:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20962430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountagrue/pseuds/mountagrue
Summary: Crowley calls about dinner just at the wrong moment. Or... the right moment?





	call me a safe bet

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [art: I AM ALIVE AND I COME BEARING TIDDIES (twitter)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/525755) by micahlat. 

> Micah posted THAT PICTURE nosebleed_emoji
> 
> and said, and I quote, "What do you think Aziraphale’s saying nyehehehe"
> 
> well, voila

"You interrupted me, my dear, so it's only fair you help me out," Aziraphale said, fluttering her eyelashes even though Crowley couldn't see them.

Crowley made another delightfully incoherent noise. Aziraphale twirled the phone cord smugly around her fingers.

"Oh yes, darling, I was really on a roll before you rang and you completely wrecked my train of thought," she said innocently. "You will replace it for me, won't you, Crowley?"

"I… suppose I must," Crowley managed. "What, ah… what station was the thought leaving from, then?"

Aziraphale stretched out luxuriously on the chaise lounge and nestled the phone securely by her ear, sliding one hand back down her body.

"Well, darling," she purred, "I was just sliding my knickers off, imagining it was you doing it."

Crowley said "ngk" again.

"I'm wearing that pale blue set you like, with the stockings and the strapless bra? But I'm afraid I'm rather spilling out of it by now."

"And why's that, angel?" asked Crowley in her lovely husky voice. "Were you playing with your beautiful tits for me?

"Oh yes, darling," Aziraphale sighed, cupping one of them in her hand. "I've been pinching my nipples, imagining you biting them, for at least five minutes, and I'm positively dripping over it."

Crowley swallowed audibly. "Then I'd have a dilemma, wouldn't I angel, if I were there?"

"Oh?" Aziraphale asked, flicking a thumb over her hard nipple again.

"Oh yes. Because I wouldn't want to take my mouth off those big, delicious tits, but I'd want very much to slide down and lick up all the juice that's leaking from your hot, wet cunt, wouldn't I?"

Aziraphale tipped her head back and moaned, tugging harder on her nipple. "Oh, darling, I'm sure I'd push you down between my legs at once!"

"Yeah?"

"If only to stop my unruly cunny from staining the furniture, dear!"

She could practically hear Crowley's grin over the phone.

"Are you getting your nice upholstery awful messy for me, angel? Am I going to be able to smell it next time I'm at the shop? Follow my nose to the exact spot you were touching yourself and thinking of me?"

Aziraphale moaned and rubbed her damp thighs together. "Crowley, there isn't a single corner of this bookshop I haven't been wet for you at one time or another."

"Ffffuck, angel," Crowley groaned. "Maybe I should just come over."

"And make me wait?" Aziraphale demanded.

"All right, then, touch yourself," Crowley panted. "Get yourself off for me, just enough to tide you over til I get there."

"Yes, yes," cried Aziraphale, finally sliding her hand between her legs to cup her pussy, rocking her clit into the palm of her hand. "Tell me how, tell me exactly what to do, what you'd do if you were here!"

"I want your fingers inside you right now," Crowley growled. "I know you're wet enough, I'd give you two straight away."

Aziraphale followed instructions, moaning at the pressure of her fingertips stretching her pussy open as she kept grinding against her own wrist. "Darling," she gasped.

"Is it good?" crooned the demon. "Do you want another? Can you take it already?"

"Sweetheart," Aziraphale moaned, "I could shove this phone receiver up myself right now, I'm that greedy for you."

"Angel!" Crowley half-laughed, half-moaned. "You can't _say_ things like that when I'm not there to spank you for it!"

"Oh, please," Aziraphale whispered, writhing on her own fingers. "Oh, I can't get deep enough, I need you, I need you to fuck me, darling!"

"Right, that's it," said Crowley.

And then there was a curious burst of static over the line. Aziraphale pulled the phone away from her ear and frowned at it. The static intensified and Aziraphale, suddenly remembering one particular story Crowley had told after the upfuckalypse, hurriedly flung the receiver into the air. At the top of its arc there was a noise like a bubble popping crossed with an overplayed 90s mobile ringtone, and then Crowley poured out of it in a cloud of pixels and lust. She landed square on top of Aziraphale, on her knees between the angel's stocking-clad legs, hands forming from the occult smog already grasping at Aziraphale's breasts.

"Oh!" Aziraphale exclaimed.

"Ow," said Crowley, as the telephone landed on her head.

"Just couldn't wait, could you," Aziraphale said fondly. "Well, since you're here anyway…"

She pulled her fingers out of herself with a wet little noise and offered them to Crowley, who sucked them in hungrily and reached down to play with the angel's clit.

"Oh yes, darling," Aziraphale sighed. "I do so love watching you taste me. The look on your face is sublime."

Crowley sucked the last drop off Aziraphale's fingers and then dove in to get her mouth on Aziraphale's nipple. Then she paused to push the telephone off the couch entirely.

"I should fuck you with this blasted thing myself," she muttered. "Except that I'm desperate to feel you come around my fingers."

"Oh, please," begged Aziraphale. "Don't tease me now you're finally here."

"Me?" Crowley said indignantly, still rubbing her clit with maddening slowness. "You're one to talk about teasing. Settled in for a spot of self-love in your best lingerie right next to the telephone, huh? No clue at all that I might be calling?"

Aziraphale gave her a self-satisfied smirk and a wriggle, bouncing her tits tantalisingly in front of Crowley's face. "I think it turned out rather well, to be honest. Or it's about to," she added with a sly, hopeful glance at Crowley from under her long blonde lashes.

"Oh, fine," Crowley grumbled, fighting the fond smile that wanted to be on her face. "I suppose I can take it out of your hide after, can't I?"

"I do hope so, darling girl," Aziraphale said as she spread her thighs wider for Crowley. "Oh, yes, that's it!"

"Mmph," said Crowley around a mouthful of tit, moving her fingers faster inside Aziraphale's wet, needy hole. She pressed her other palm against the angel's clit, giving her the broad, diffuse pressure she needed on the outside, and Aziraphale cried out and tossed her head and wrapped her ankles around Crowley's waist so she could push harder against both her sweet, wonderful hands and come and come and come.

"That was lovely," she panted when she'd come down a little.

"Oh, did you think I was done?" Crowley asked innocently.

"No, angel," she purred, sliding down Aziraphale's body. "I very much intend to have my cake and eat it."

EDIT: CODA

"Oh," squeaked Aziraphale. "Oh! The cake is my vagina!"

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] call me a safe bet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21174698) by [Literarion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarion/pseuds/Literarion)


End file.
